The Emotional Impact of Infertility

How can I convince my partner that we need to see a doctor about infertility?

It is common for one partner to suspect a fertility problem and the other to need convincing. Feelings of anger, denial, guilt, blame, self-pity and frustration are common, and may influence a person’s willingness to address infertility concerns. Open communication and tolerance of one another’s hopes and fears are important at this stage. Remember, though, that the earlier you identify a problem, the more likely it is that you will correct it.

We seem to be quarreling more since we decided to see a fertility specialist. What can we do to keep infertility from damaging our relationship?

Fertility testing and treatment can be traumatic for both partners. Providing mutual emotional support can relieve some of the stress and prevent distancing. It may even deepen your relationship. You may find a new sense of security, as you realize you can truly depend on each other despite the uncertainties you face. Infertility is a couple’s problem, and it’s best to approach it as a team.

I feel like infertility testing is taking over my life. What can I do to feel less isolated?

Communicate your fears and emotions to your partner regularly. Support one another, but understand that you may not always feel the same way at the same time. Stay involved in activities you enjoy, or develop new interests to help you focus on issues other than your fertility concerns.

Since we started treatment, sex has become an almost dreaded event. What can we do?

First, realize that this is a very common issue for couples undergoing fertility treatment. Timed intercourse can make sexual spontaneity seem like a luxury of the past. To get through this period, try to live with “baby-making” sex, and don’t feel guilty if it feels automatic most of the time. Also try to make room for spontaneity during the non-fertile times of your cycle.

I feel like my mood is constantly shifting. What can I do to feel more stable?

Many people undergoing fertility treatment feel as if they are riding an emotional roller coaster – hope at the start of the treatment, followed by disappointment and mourning when a cycle fails. Many also feel more sensitive to everyday stress.

Try not to dwell on the short-term ups and downs of fertility treatment. You and your partner may find it helpful to set a timetable for treatment and determine how long you are willing to continue treatment. Recognize that periods of depression and anxiety are normal. Try to be tolerant of yourself and your partner as you work through your feelings.

Is there anywhere we can turn for support?

Absolutely. Many fertility clinics have psychologists or social workers on staff to counsel couples like yourselves. If your clinic doesn’t, they may be able to recommend outside counselors who are familiar with infertility issues. Your clinic may also be able to recommend patient support groups, where you can talk with other couples who are going through similar experiences.